virgin virgin virgin...

Virgin virgin virgin virgin virgin.
Why do we make such a fuss over over virginity? Sexual intercourse is simply the usage of an orifice or appendage for the purpose nature intended. Why would we inflate the first time into a consuming, life-changing reality? It makes no logical sense, and the very nature of the definition of "virgin" is random.
A woman can have "BFF" inscribed on her dildo, but still be a virgin?
A woman can use her lover's tongue as toilet paper, and still be a virgin?
A woman can have her girlfriend's fist in her vagina, and still walk (or hobble) away a virgin?
A man can have oral, anal, toe, and even elbow sex, yet still be a virgin? A man can stick his appendage inside a sheep's vagina, yet still be a card-carrying virgin??
No no no no NO! I do not abide random illogic posing as nature.
Do we make any sort of similar fuss over the first time we use our other orifices for their intended purposes? No. We don't obsess over the first time we eat...we just eat, without hoping for a pat on the back when it's done.
Being burped doesn't count.
We don't have tribal rituals for the first time we hear. We don't expect to be cuddled afterward (although personally i expect cuddling after every successful bodily function...but that's just me).
And we most certainly do NOT build up huge psychological weight over the first time we poop.
HENNY: Is it true, Benny...you've never pooped?
BENNY: I'm saving myself.
If you're fixated on genitals, why shouldn't our first pee be heralded as the end of virginity? Or comedic exaggerations aside, wouldn't it make just as much sense to declare that a "virgin" is a woman who's never had a baby? One who's never "used her orifice as nature intended"? Or a man who's never impregnated a woman? In a society like that, people might start to discriminate against the childless, wondering what was wrong with them if they avoided parenthood for too long. There would be an obvious quality to that system, that would free us of a lot of the virginity-speculation rampant in our own society. Not entirely, of course...
CAROL: That Meryl, 29 and still a virgin. Look how she walks around, like her shit don't stink.
CHERYL: I'll bet she goes the other way.
DARRYL: You're both wrong...i heard from a very good source that she gave one up for adoption in her teens.
The phenomenon of "saving oneself" would take on a whole new meaning, and our repressive, unhealthy attitudes about sex might dissolve entirely. A woman who decided she wanted to have children could invite her intended to watch her celebratory final gang bang with the boys' water polo team. He could cuddle with her afterward...or maybe give her the final poke (there is evidence that the last man in a gang bang has the best chance of impregnation...just one of a million things science hasn't figured out yet)
Anyway, i'm just saying our obsession with "virginity", and the random way in which we define the word, is not natural at all, and says a lot about who we are as a people. Just as a society which equated virginity-loss with childbirth, would be advertising a million unspoken things about their own values.
BENNY: I just want it to be really special. I want it to be magic.
HENNY: Benny, you're 27. It's time. We are gonna poop your cherry.
Are you a virgin?
Do you want to be?
Easier done than you think.